This weekend was a learning experience that I won’t forget. I had a friend who was in an abusive relationship and came to me for help. I can never say no to someone who needs help that could be my downfall.

It started on Friday when I received a phone call from my girlfriends boyfriend asking if she was here. I told him that she wasn’t and she said that she had told him she had gone with me to the store he was quite angry. She then showed up at my home a few minutes later and I told her she needed to call him right away that is when it all began.

It began by lots of screaming and hollering by him and him coming to my house and taking her home. A couple hours later I got a phone call from him screaming at me to where I barely could understand what he was saying what I could make out was if she is there, break your door in, and a 45 in your face. Then my friend was knocking at my door. I wasn’t sure what was going on but she was very upset so we started talking and she told me what happened. She was leaving him, and she had no place to go.

I was planning a Halloween party for my grand kids and had been decorating and getting things together. I now had to stop and deal with this drama that had just unfolded. Being the person I am I had no problem doing that, I believe she needed help and I want to be there for her. But I didn’t know her past I had only known her for a short time. This is where the problem begins. I have a tendency to trust people and take them at face value. So this drama of him driving by the house and screaming and throwing her belongings and the violent texts continued through Friday afternoon and into the evening with the police being called around nine o’clock. Needless to say, nothing I needed to do to get ready for the party had gotten done. I had spent the entire day helping her.

Helping her do what I wasn’t sure of. What I later found out was I just helped her go back to him. It was a crazy evening with the police going over there to his house and seeing him burning a pile of her belongings and doing nothing about it. He seemed to be able to get away with whatever he wanted. The evening finally ended with the police getting some of her belongings, bringing her back to my house and telling us that they would set a police patrol car to watch our neighborhood for a week.

On Saturday I had to work extra hard to get things together for the Halloween party. I was behind schedule and a little stressed. Trying to deal with the craziness that was still going on with my friend. But by four o’clock when the children arrived and the party began I thought everything would be okay. There were pumpkins to carve and marshmallows to roast and chicken to barbecue so I thought that everything would go as planned. Boy was I wrong!

My friend decided to drink a little too much, and ended up going to an X boyfriends house and causing a scene with him and his new girlfriend. I was not aware of this because she kept coming in and out and I was with the children and didn’t think she needed a babysitter. I don’t think I even realized how drunk she was.

Around 10 o’clock my three-year-old granddaughter and I were going to bed and I saw my friend taking a lap top out side telling me that she was going to exchange the laptop for her drivers license that her ex had. I was very surprised but could not stop her. We went to bed and the front door accidentally got locked with her outside. When the doorbell rang a few minutes later my daughter answered it and my friend said that I must have been mad at her and locked her out. She thought she was not welcome here at my home anymore and so she left saying she was going to another friends. That was the last we heard from her.

I did not find out any of this until the next morning, Sunday. I was worried about her all Sunday, tried to call the numbers that she had called on my phone. No one had seen or heard from her. I was expecting the worst.
Now I have to go back a couple of days to Thursday. I am to have my first client as a Emotion-Based Life Coach. But my client had forgotten about our appointment. So we scheduled it for Sunday. I was already nervous about having my first client and the fact that she had already forgotten our first appointment, didn’t help relieve the stress that I had had for the last two days. But helping people is something that comes quite easy to me but I always pay the price by being so stressed I forget to take care of Tiana.

I will go into what it’s like to have your first client in another blog, so watch for that one.

After my appointment with my client I again tried to call people but kept running up against a brick wall. Now it is Monday, and I have finally decided I am going to call the police and report her as a missing person. The police are very well aware of what had happened over the weekend. They tell me that the first thing I should do is send a goodwill check to her old address. So I do that. They tell me they will get in touch with me after they have gone over there. After waiting 3 hours for the police to call me about what they have found out, one of her friends decide to just call over to the boyfriends and see what happens, I had tried but got no answer. But this time there was an answer and it was my friend who answered the phone. She told this other friend not to call there ever again and hung up. Then a text was sent to her by the boyfriend saying that they were doing fine as long as she did not have any friends in her life. I was shocked, and feeling used and like the whole weekend had been a waste. I was to later learn that this was a pattern that had been going on for quite some time. The reason that she had no place to stay was her other friends had gotten tired of trying to help her, only for her to keep going back to the same abusive situation again and again.

So after careful thinking and really trying to sort through why I chose this in my life, I have come to this conclusion: I cannot save the world, or even one person. It is not my responsibility to keep someone safe. I can offer help but when it creates havoc in my life and causes my family to be put in harms way I need to draw the line.
I become too involved with people and do not stop and think how it could affect me adversely. I believe also that since there is an issue with me not having a lot of close friends, when someone does reach out to me as a friend I excepted to quickly, without checking that person out more carefully. This is an issue that I have to work on. I have to learn to say no or give it over to someone else who can help. I also know that there’s two sides to every story. There is no room in any relationship for abuse either verbally, emotionally or physically. But I do know that there are some people who get into these types of relationships (remember that they are creating their own life) and they have to choose to get out of them themselves. I am no one savior. I am only human.

I am sure that many of you reading this can relate to what I am saying and have experience similar situations. I know I am not the only one who reacts in this way but I am going to work very hard and pay closer attention to the choices I make so as not to have this happen again. My wish for everyone who struggles with this is to have faith. You also can learn to make good choices, and remember to always above all else, take care of yourself first before you take care of someone else.

Thank you for reading
Tiana-Lynn