In an earlier post I referred to having six children when in actuality I have seven children. I feel the need to clarify this statement since it has caused some pain and hurt feelings.

I have a beautiful daughter named Brooke Jennifer (see picture) who lives in Alaska with her fiancé and their children. She spent her growing up years with her father and we had little contact during those times. I was visited by her when her daughter was born and then again a few months later. I saw her again in 2010 when two of my other daughters and I went to Alaska for a 2 week vacation

I meant all of my grandchildren who I had never seen, and it filled my heart with joy to see what a fantastic women Brooke had become. She was so smart and pretty, with a good career, a beautiful home and a caring and wonderful man in her life. She had made a life for herself after overcoming many difficult situations, ones that maybe she could have gone through a little easier had she had a mom. She had her father, and he did a good job of giving her what she needed, but there are some things that only a mom can do and share with her daughters, and I was not there to give those things to her. I am deeply and truly sorry for that.

I will not go into the reasons for why that was the way it was because the important thing I believe is, I am here now.  I can not change the past, (even though I would if possible), but I am wanting to be a friend and begin to hopefully grow into having a  closer relationship and be in each others lives from here on out.

I believe we chose our path in life and our lessons. So I can only think that she and I have chosen this path we are on so we can complete our life lessons. I love you Brooke and always have. You’re anger and pain I feel even if you say you are over it. I know you are not. Stuffing feelings is not the answer, and if there is a way to help you work through them, no matter how it impacts me, I want to help. Your feelings are safe with me and they are real and I will honor them for what they are. I respect you as a woman and as my daughter and I hope someday you feel the same way.

With that all being said, I have to explain that my pervious post was about my emotions around the changing roles I now played in my children’s lives, and how hard I found to except that change. It was about my struggle and letting go of my self limiting beliefs in order to grow and learn.

The battle that went on in my head over whether or not to say 6 or 7 children was overwhelming. But when I realized that this post was not about my kids, but about My Truth, regarding emotions, I chose to say 6 so I would not offend Brooke by talking about something she was not a part of. This was the only time in my life I had not said I have 7 children and I apologize for how it made her feel. She has expressed her feelings regarding this and I have since corrected the post.

As a mother,  I will not allow my ego to stand in the way of humbling myself and asking for forgiveness from my child. I only ask that you give me a chance now, to be the mother you never had.

I love you with all my heart.