Losing a pet can be one of the most painful experiences a person can have. There is much talk in today’s world about unconditional love. It would be wonderful if human beings were capable of such a thing. The sad truth is that we fall short of the mark. While unconditional love is probably impossible, it is a wonderful goal and we should continue to strive for it.
In reality, the closest thing to unconditional love we ever perceive is that which we sense from our pets. Even then, there are a few conditions. After we have fed them and their other basic needs have been met, animals are unconditional. We have yet to hear that someone’s dog, cat, parakeet or hamster judged them or criticized them or called them stupid.
What we do know is that people tell their most intimate secrets to their pets. What we do know is that people express their truest and deepest emotions to their pets, often much more so than they ever express them to friends or family. We know how incredibly important pets can be to people. We know millions of people who, unable to have children, have been able to have some of the wonderful and natural parental type feelings for their pets. We know an awful lot about how attached people become to their pets.
More importantly, we know how devastating the death of a pet can be. We know how grieving pet owners are often abused by well-meaning friends who say insensitive things. The purpose of this article is to help grieving pet owners complete their relationship to the pain caused by the death of their pet. And, to assist friends of grievers with more helpful and supportive information about recovery from one of life’s most significant losses.
We are all familiar with the expression that starts with; “I was unhappy about having no shoes until I met a man who had no feet…” While well intentioned, that parable sets up one of the most massive pieces of misinformation in our society. It teaches us to compare our feelings in order to minimize them. And, followed to its logical conclusion, there can only be one griever—the one with the most horrible list of losses.
Losing a pet can be devastating
Grieving pet owners, met with the constant line, “it was only a pet,” are set up to compare their feelings to those they may have had when a parent or grandparent died. And if that is not enough, they are then told to “go out and get another pet,” or replace the loss. No one would be insensitive enough to tell you to go out and “get another mom” if your mother died, would they? On the other hand, when a baby dies, the parents are often told, “don’t feel bad, you’re young, you can have other children.”
Our human responses to death are normal and natural. Since we have been taught to hide or mask our natural reactions to loss, we often feel that there is something wrong with us when we experience intense feelings. Death of a pet often produces incredibly powerful emotions.
The emotions attached to the loss are normal, but society’s treatment of the grieving pet owner is not normal. We must strive to normalize that which is normal. Otherwise, we continue to drive grievers’ feelings underground, buried for fear of being considered “weak.”
As a friend of someone who has recently experienced the death of a pet, please remember that their heart is broken. All grief is experienced at 100%. There are no half grievers. Do not try to minimize their pain.
Recovery from the pain caused by death of a pet, as with all other losses, must include the process of discovering and completing all unfinished emotional business.
To find out more on the Grief Recovery Method follow the link below
http://wp.griefrecoverymethod.com/books/the-grief-recovery-handbook-paperback/
3 responses to “Grief and Loosing a Pet – Unconditional Love”
Roseann and Magdalena
August 13th, 2014 at 23:02
Reblogged this on Essence of Child Caring Blog and commented:
Beautifully said. Losing a pet is life changing…a soul that has shared your heart for many years becomes a very part of your being. We are preparing ourselves for the loss of our sweet Teddy. Teddy is a rescue Great Pyrennes. He came to live with us when he was a one year old lad…and now he is a senior 13 year old. His hips have given out and we help him get up..it is almost time. Our child care center had many pets as part of our program. Losing a pet at the center or at home had profound effects on our staff and children. Recognizing the important part a pet plays in our lives is so important. Thank you for this beautiful post.
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Roseann and Magdalena
August 13th, 2014 at 23:11
Tiana-Lynn, thank you for this beautiful article. Understanding the role a pet plays in our life is so important. Pets are a part of our heart. Many live for years with a family…empathetic and sympathetic response to a loss of a pet is so necessary. The pain is so real. THank you for your insightful post. I reblogged this on Essence of Childcaring. Pets were an important part of the everyday school setting as well. Just this moment we are gently caring for our senior dog, Teddy. He is thirteen years old and has lived with us for all of his life. We are preparing…but the loss will be so hard…he is such a wonderful friend..
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WhisperofChange LLC
August 14th, 2014 at 04:04
Thank you for your kind words. The pets in the post were mine and I miss them dearly. I wish you and your family many more days with your Teddy. Not holding back our emotional pain and grieving is so important for children to see, in order to grow up with a healthy way to grief. No grieving is wanted but it is what we as humans have to do in order to feel the pain. Kind of sucks sometimes being human. 🙂
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