Hello to all my friends and family, sorry for staying away so long. I have been working through some emotional things the last couple of weeks which I believe I have a handle on and would love to share with you now one of those events.

Those that know me, know that my youngest daughter died September 24, 2007. The battle with grief has been a long and heavy journey and has had many spiritual surprises which have been hard and painful but always are lessons and growth an have helped me on this journey in my school of called life.

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Little Miss grieving her loss

I would like to share the most recent event that happened on 9/22/2014, two days before Sarah’s memorial anniversary.

When I discovered my cat was pregnant I brought her inside so her hiding them somewhere I couldn’t find them wasn’t a possibility. I put her upstairs in my office since she doesn’t like dogs and it was peaceful and quiet. As the weeks went by and the closer the day came she started to look for a place to give birth. As I offered her places and choices she refused them all. Her choice was under Sarah’s memorial alter in the corner of my office. Out of all the “under something “ I made for her, she wanted under the alter with the candles and basket of Gratitude Rocks. As crowded as it was that was where she wanted to be.

Late Monday night, before bed I was doing my nightly ritual of making sure all animals are safely tucked away ie… ducks, goose, rabbit, dogs and cats, when I noticed “Little Miss” under Sarah’s alter and she was in the middle of birthing her second kitty. I was so excited. They were so cute. So I decided to stay up and make sure everything is okay. Cats usually do alright on their own and this was her second litter so I wasn’t to worried. I am so glad I made that decision.

The next 5 kittens all were born breach. She had a terrible time. I held her in my lap on the floor in front of the alter with her first 2 kitties under the alter and helped her through each one of the delievers, massaging and comforting her and making sure the kittens stayed warm. After each kitten was born she was so exhausted she could hardly clean them up and delivery of the afterbirth was stressful.

The saddest part of the whole experience was when kitten 6 and 7 were born. After kitty 6 was born I realized it wasn’t breathing. Mom tried to clean and stimulate her but it was apparent that it wasn’t alive. Mom worked hard to revive baby but nothing was working. As I tried to divert her attention away from the baby and on to her other babies she started to cry. It was a sound like nothing I had heard from her before. She was mourning licking and making a sound like a long meow that had no end to it. It was the saddest sound I had ever heard. I waited for her to stop thinking she was done giving birth and tried to put the other 5 kittens next to her to nurse and take the dead baby away from her, but she reach up with her paw and while looking at me, she pulled my hand back to her and rolled the baby close to her and wouldn’t let me take it. She laid with her head over the dead baby making a whimpering sound and would move until she went into labor again had number 7.

Completely surprised I watched in amazement as the exact some thing played out again. Baby 7 didn’t make it either. Mom kitty did the same thing again ignoring the other babies and holding the lost babies with her paws, cleaning and taking care of them. The way she did this was different then how she had done the other live births and it got me to thinking that she was preparing them and her for saying goodbye. It was her way of grieving. Animals are not dumb. She knew they were dead but she mourned the loss of them before she would get back to her job of being a mom to the living ones. She also had to deal with her emotions of loss before she could move on.

There is a lot of talk about how animals don’t have the same kind of emotions that we as humans do. They do studies and test and still the argument persist and the controversy goes on. I am sure as I know my name is Tiana that animals emotions are the purest and truest of emotions. They have no baggage from years of others telling them how to feel. They are not worried about what you think they should or should not feel, or how to act when they feel certain feelings. They do what comes natural, and they do it their way. I watched a mom grieve over the loss of her babies in the most honest and purest way possible. And when she was done and she was ready to move on she simply started moving the others closer to her and slowly the 2 dead babies were behind her, still laying close to her while she nursed and cleaned her 5 adorable babies. I waited for a few minutes and she looked up at me, gave me a soft meow, laid her head down, closed her eyes and began to purr. It was then I gathered up the two and left the room.